Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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I need a burrito and a hug.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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