(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
