sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
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Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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