I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
