VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
