Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
