i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
