Only a mothe r could love this liver
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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