I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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