He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
