If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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