Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
