NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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