im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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