Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
