I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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