i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
