so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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