We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
