I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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