Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
