Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
