some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
