Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
two words...techno handjob
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
