Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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