Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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