hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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