oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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