i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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