Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Your cock deserves a montage
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
