i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to calm my uterus...
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