nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
