evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i wish my penis had a tongue
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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