I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
