I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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