last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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