Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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