well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
