I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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