am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
40s are totally the cure
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
