I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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