She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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