Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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