I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
