If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
