I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
