I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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