i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize