i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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