I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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