I want you more than these girls want KFC
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize