I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
