: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
