He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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