It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
