I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize