Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
