Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
