Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
