you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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