So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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