Non-Jews are for practice
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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