Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
