Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
