My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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