Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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